Grief As A Catholic

I’ve been up rocking my son the majority of each night this week. Yet still, my older son wakes the same and needs the same things in the morning, work starts the same time, and the world’s day moves ahead just the same, quickly. In these hard hours, sometimes I pray, sometimes I listen to podcasts or comedy, I spend time being grateful or being mad, I talk to myself out loud and say “I can’t keep doing this.” More often than not, I curse the situation and beg the baby to close his eyes. This has been going on almost two years now. 

All the while, work, motherhood, and a namely supreme court case continued to build. There’s been press, a move, a business launched, preschool started. As I move through life, the days are often a mini roller coaster of simultaneously knowing my life is harder each day than anyone I know on almost any given day while also constantly thanking God for the beautiful marriage, children, strength, and relationships I have. I get annoyed that my mind never stops racing, yet I remain grateful that God has given me the gift of constant wonder, consideration, and analysis. 

The hardest part of my week is considering the theology around suffering. I’m so grateful to my Catholic faith for giving me a deeper understanding of the beauty in suffering, the honor of being refined through fire, the glory of being beaten like malleable gold. I unknowingly once believed that God rewarded those He loves with only the Good, rather than leaning into the truth that He instead works all things together for His Good. Whether it be the lack of sleep, the rushed busyness of each day, the lack of time alone, the frustration that I never have the time or energy to do many simple things, or a combination, I’m not sure at any given moment, but the reality is I have lapses in gratitude all day long. 

Each month, I feel the periods of grief are shorter– what was once a bad day turned into a bad morning or afternoon, then reduced to a bad hour. Oftentimes now, I have a bad 1-5 minutes. God rescues me from those thoughts, nudging me in the direction of all I have and all I am called to do. The gift of clarity for what matters and what is a distraction is a gift that rescues me all the time. Getting a glimpse into a suffering marriage whips me right back into shape. A loss of a child or spouse has me asking for forgiveness for my moments of selfish anger. Yet I still have these moments, usually after hearing about someone healed, someone born healthy, or worse, someone who made devastatingly bad decisions and lives fine today, despite it. Healthy people who almost destroyed themselves, that’s the hardest. 

Then come the rhetorical questions. How did this happen to us? How could I, an educated, prepared, healthy mom of a wanted and planned child, walk into a hospital with a healthy baby inside me and walk out with a child with severe brain damage? Could a few moments, and the unique set of circumstances within an hours time really all conspire to change our lives forever, making every simple task of life exponentially harder? My husband has reminded me since the day our son was born– people turn left instead of right and get hit by a car and die. People damage their bodies carelessly and live while innocent children die. People turn out wonderfully despite their parents choices, others ruin their own lives despite their parents efforts. 

 We all know this. I knew it; I know it. And yet, I see friends and family attribute the smallest and biggest blessings to God with an air of “I have been good to God, so God is now being good to me,” rather than an air of humility– that certain gifts are complete wonders to us, miracles, not brought forth by anything we’ve done to deserve it. My evangelical friends believe strongly in sola gratia, by grace alone, so I don’t think it’s a cognizant mistake. It’s just become habit of us all, even just colloquially or in an effort to remain grateful that we make everything from a parking spot to a new car, a new haircut to a good diagnosis to God’s favor. 

While I believe that God is involved in all matters, as small as can be, (I think of Corrie Ten Boom’s fleas) I have begun to reject that God works in a way that I’m seeing implied– God acts in the way we want for those who love Him, He gives us all we desire if we thank Him, and He favors the Good with blessings most often that we can see and touch. Isn’t that “works based faith?”

It’s absolutely true that God acts for those who love Him, just not always how we’ve envisioned or hoped. It’s absolutely true that God tells us in His Word that He will give us the desires of our hearts if we rejoice in Him, yet He has more clarity on how that manifests than we do. He does favor those obedient to Him, but not always with long life, material success, or healthy loved ones. 

I’ve become acutely aware of a “lower case p” prosperity gospel that leaves no room for suffering. Simplified, and again, often accidentally, the thought process is this– God loves me so much, I will live long; my children will grow up wonderfully and live long lives in the faith, marry and have healthy children; life will be pleasant; I will get a restful retirement to spend time how I want; and God will provide for me to the extent of upper middle-class life. 

Though we don’t say it out loud, as I never knew I thought it, “bad stuff like that” happens to someone else. Someone less favored or perhaps someone living in sin. Many would never admit this belief, but I bet it feels familiar. “It’s not prosperity gospel,” I can almost hear, “I don’t believe that God will give me a yacht if I tithe.” That is the most extreme form of prosperity belief. The subtle presumptions of giftings are more a death of one thousand cuts. It’s barely noticeable until something inexplicably bad happens. Then, it’s a hard, long fall. This is where people lose their faith. 

I circle back to my questions– why not heal my son or spare my son, my family from this life-changing affliction and do it in others lives? Was it something I did? I didn’t do? Did enough people pray? Why then, have ungrateful adults been spared? Why then, do “unwanted” babies live (by biological parents) and wanted ones die? Why do children overcome health obstacles and mine will remain disabled? Why would a good family lose a son to suicide and a godless family produce a mentally healed son? These questions are fair to ask. 

On my worst days, I wrap myself in pride and think that even others’ struggles seem like child’s play to me. They couldn’t be me for an hour, much less a day. I get in a state where I am so weak, I actually let the devil pause my progression towards holiness with pride in…not the good that can’t be attributed to me, but the bad I didn’t bring about. Imagine that.

Growing up evangelical, I was taught two things I remember well– “pray until something happens” (we had a song) and sometimes God’s answer is green light, red light, and yellow light– “yes, no, and not yet.” I feel these ideas, although true, were falsely transcribed on our hearts. “Pray until something happens” became “pray until we get what we want.” “Yes, no, and not yet” became “yes and not yet.” (Like when a toddler takes “no” for “ask later”) I have to be careful with these distinctions because praying without ceasing is Godly. We, including I, have to accept what that “something” is. We have to accept that “no” is possible and that He is Still Good.

I know we know it deep down as Christians because we know the apostles were martyred. I love the examples of saints who suffered terribly and shone brightly. For denominations robbed of the examples of saints, they still have martyrs or modern examples of suffering beautifully like Elizabeth Elliot or Corrie Ten Boom. Instead of venerating them the same we do fantasy characters, sighing that we will never be like them so we may as well roll around in our weakness, why not take ownership of the call to holiness? 

I see videos and posts, and hear conversations and songs of the slightest inconveniences completely derailing us. “Self care” and “I see you, girl” culture has gone completely overboard. In a predictable way, the same stale complaints arise. From Christians, who believe in martyrs and the crucifixion, complaints of motherhood are too seldom taken in stride. We are reduced to the point of hearing about the ills of “dog parenting.” Busy-ness has become a secular virtue and overindulging too often has been written off as “deserved.” (I’ve had women I’ve never met before that moment tell me I “deserve” a pair of jeans I was trying on, or an extra side of food) 

While I find humor in esoteric rants, the banal is just ugly. In a bizarre turn of culture, everyone fancies themselves in a stage of suffering. Only in a land of decadence would we continue, after everything we know as Christians, continue to complain about regular life events without embarrassment. I myself am guilty. For those in the midst of crisis or tragedy, hearing the “crisis” of others day after day is extremely isolating.

And so, after a bout of posts and conversations, (that I try to avoid) I plunge head first into my pride and self-pity. I get mad at those around me for forgetting the saints and the brutal death of our Savior. I’m upset that the world around me, including my loved ones, constantly exposes me to the low-tier ills of their lives, reminding me how overwhelming mine are.

I’m so busy being mad that I forget how fortunate it is that I have this clarity of thought and the opportunity to be made Holy. I didn’t give me my mind. I didn’t create my circumstance. The downside is the upside. I didn’t do this to myself through sin or lack of merit. I can’t control every thought and emotion that I have. I have a say in whether I will let my mind and my circumstance rule me, or if I will hand it over to God.

I’m asking for grace like Mary, to handle others and myself with mercy. To continue to grow rather than wallow. To accept that it’s hard, those around me will not understand, and to end the comparisons, especially when it comes to healings and blessings of health. 

There is no earthly scale to grace, so who am I to say my son was not saved? He lives. He can’t sit, walk talk, or understand many things, but he smiles and loves. I know of able-bodied and minded people who squander it. He is using his gifts to the fullest. The blessings are endless. My child was saved, healed, his organs that once didn’t function in the NICU, now do. He eats orally. He has many areas of support and love that others don’t. There are babies with the same conditions across the globe who do not have all those abilities, who did die, who don’t have the support. They are loved by the Creator just the same. They are not penalized because they were born to a family that does not pray. 

Prayer is powerful, which is why the saints intercede for those without large earthly prayer armies. The innocent are not abandoned to rush to the side of the privileged. As I laid down after a bout of rocking tonight, I asked again, as I do in the wee hours of the morning, why does it seem everyone’s baby is healed but mine? Why do the stories around me always have “happily ever after” on earth except mine?

I felt Mary’s response. I was sinless, and they took my Son. 

Wonder Woman and The Grace of God

Tags

Christianity, faith

The new Wonder Woman film is breaking records and performing extremely well in almost every category of film metrics. People love it because it’s feminist, it’s funny, and it’s full of effects. It features an actress who is pregnant while embodying a superhero. That alone is iconic. While all those things were amazing to watch when I visited the theatre, none of those things are what truly resonated with me. What touched me was how much the moral of the film reminded me of Christ’s story of humanity.

This might surprise you as the Wonder Woman story is laced with Greek gods and doesn’t have mentions of God himself. And yet, I was brought to tears at the climax of the film out of pure thankfulness for the Author.

God, although all-knowing and not limited in the ways Diana is, thinks about us in a similar way.

He knows we do wrong. We enter war, kill each other, lie, deceive, and lust—just to name a few alluded to in the film. Ares, the “bad guy” of the film, resembled the character of the Enemy of God. He tries to persuade Diana with evidence that man is so bad that it’s not worth her time or power to protect them. He argues that they are so easily manipulated into evil by his whispers that he hardly need do anything to win them over to doing dark deeds. He gives the evil German doctor for example. While he whispered ideas into her mind of how to make terrible chemicals and contraptions, he didn’t compel her to act. She did it herself. Just as humans do. He takes this to our hero to convince her to abandon humanity. They don’t deserve her.

She has been heartbroken by what she’s witnessed in humanity. Her mother’s warnings proved to be true. Man does some awful stuff. But then she remembers all the good she’s experienced in her time with people. Laughter, love, giving, protecting, encouraging, and befriending people. They have all messed up in varying ways and are flawed where she is not, and she’s confused by this (God isn’t). At the same time, each person she’s become friends with has sacrificed for her and loved her. Just as she is confronted with the choice to join forces with Ares and abandon humanity, she remembers them. She agrees with him—they don’t deserve it. She loves them anyways. Then she defeats Ares.

Reminds me of Someone.

Thank God (literally) that he defeated the enemy, defends us, loves us when He knows we don’t deserve it, and believes in our Free Will to love him back. That small display in Wonder Woman brought tears to my eyes because I forget that every day. I know I forget it because I consistently worry, deny my lovability, and sin. Grace covers it all anyways. And how much greater is it than this fictional story!

I’m thankful for that reminder in a fantastic superhero film. Most of the times, these reminders don’t come from Christian movies, do they? That’s another post for another day…

 

 

Photo cred to Wonder Woman Facebook page

There’s a Market for That

Tags

commercialism, conservative, entrepreneurship, Libertarian, liberty

I hear it different versions of it often. “We used to _______ and now we Keep up with the Kardashians,” “This was before we had The Kardashians,” “Let’s do less of Keeping up with the Kardashians and more of ____”…and the like.

It seems The Kardashians have become a benchmark for the deterioration of society. Things are bad, for example, people spend time watching a materialistic, talentless rich family in their everyday life. While I won’t spend time trying to convince you that you ought spend time “keeping up with the Kardashians,” I will explain to you why you should leave alone people who do.

1. They Create Value

We could say a lot to question the values and morals of the K family. I wouldn’t condone their lifestyle. But the accusation that they are talentless and are famous for being famous falls flat. They create value. They do. They have clothing lines, stores, modeling contracts, TV shows, and pretty much cover every sect of the entertainment industry. It may not create value for you or me, but they create value for enough people to make millions are acquire a huge audience. If you’re a lover of free markets especially, you must understand that things you don’t like that create value, create value without you.

2. Anything with an Audience Creates Value

You may argue that what they do isn’t valuable, so it doesn’t create value. But value is subjective, and the Kardashian services do something for someone all the time. This is true for all kinds of things. I often joke about my hatred for Pepsi products. I can joke all I want, but Pepsi does serve a large community of people, and they don’t care that I don’t approve. They have a target audience, and they target well. The same goes for music, clothing styles, and architecture..etc. People often joke that my preferred rap song choices aren’t real “music.” But, with the free range of commercialism, Lil Uzi and Fetty Wap are famous and wealthy for a reason. They’re entrepreneurs. It’s not a forced market. They’ve quite literally earned their place.

3. You can Influence Markets with your Opt Out

If enough people say “no” to a product or service, the market will cease to exist. Your small influence can be refusing to watch or buy. My family does this often when we are morally opposed to core concepts of artists, tv shows, or sponsorships. For example, I haven’t had a Girlscout cookie in over five years. I know people still demand them, but I can personally refuse and join a movement to reduce demand as I choose. You can too. Many do this in marketplaces for products that have undesirable, hurtful outcomes such as cigarettes and porn. A campaign successfully took Duck Dynasty off the air temporarily, and reaction to scandal took 19 Kids and Counting out of the marketplace. If you think something is hurting society in a material way, you have every right to campaign against it. Some may say you have a duty to it. However, a subjective dislike is a bad benchmark for the dilapidation of society.

And so, I’ll leave Pepsi alone if you leave alone our friends who watch E! Television in their free time. Deal?

Pro Tip: You won’t get more dates with a pompous air over your own tastes 😊

17 Reasons I Became Catholic in 2017

Tags

Catholicism, Christianity, faith, relationships, values

In the last few months to a year of exploring then joining the Church, I have been asked perhaps 200 times—Why the Catholic Church? Why now? Usually I give a quick answer or fail to answer. Perhaps this is because I could clearly only scratch the surface of this question in over 4,000 words once I actually did try. It can’t be summed up so succinctly for me. Friends and family approached me lovingly and unlovingly, tactfully and offensively, concerned and angry, debating and praying. Thank you for your genuine concern and desire to understand. Hopefully this can give you an idea of my “sudden” change and console your fears that we are so different. While there is time for debate, that is not the intention of this piece. Thank you so much for your concern and aid. Here are just the Top 17 Reasons (in no particular order) I became Catholic in 2017:

1. Vocation-Based Direction

If you’re protestant and spend any amount of time around Catholics, you’ll notice the word vocation come up a lot. In fact, in comes up almost anywhere the word “calling” typically comes up in all Christian circles. Your vocation is your life calling, not just a calling in a moment. Your momentary callings from day to day are typically in line with your overall vocation. Vocation doesn’t just mean your work or job. It refers to the all-encompassing “who” you were created to be and who you are. Any verb can be filled into a sentence on vocation—serve, love, create, join, defend, advocate, innovate, discover…the list cannot end. Another word often attached to vocation is discernment. Discernment is something that is, or should be ongoing in every Christian’s mind. Often, you will hear people say they are discerning their vocation. Frequently this means they are considering joining religious life (priesthood, brotherhood, deaconship, or sisterhood, etc.) or marriage and are taking a time period to pray and think on whether this is their proper next step or not. However, discernment can and should be practiced by everyone with a desire to make decisions with Christ’s intentions in mind. Discernment of vocation is deep, intentional reflection of your purpose and direction. Opportunities will often come your way that just don’t feel right upon further reflection for named or unnamed reasons. This outlook is emphasized in Catholicism to a degree I’ve never seen before. The Holy Spirit is not seen as random as the breeze. “Callings” to trivial choices such as whether or not to get a second helping at dinner are not seen in the same light or with the same language as life-altering motions. You don’t feel as “called” or “not called” to serving a Sunday School class as you do to starting a romantic relationship or accepting a job offer. Small decisions are also important in life and do either stay in line with your vocation or not, but they don’t take the same place in the heart or mind as the focus of vocation that begins as early as First Communion in elementary school.

2. Seriously Caring for The Least of These

My initial interest in the Church came from my shock at the Hands and Feet the Catholics were being in my community. I worked with a lot of churches on caring for preborn children and their families and…er…let me rephrase that. I attempted to work with a lot of churches. Most churches couldn’t be bothered to be associated with a controversial subjects like abortion, single mothers, or premarital sex. I got a lot of closed doors and no call-backs. I got one reference to my local Catholic church and they immediately showered my group in prayer, volunteers, and material aid. I almost questioned it. This help remains consistent to this day. I quickly realized that this was not just my local parish (church), but also every city I visited. As I traveled around the nation, city to city, I saw Catholic church doors open to the homeless. There were constant initiatives to feed the hungry with pantries and kitchens, visit the imprisoned, shelter through Catholic Charities, and meet every need for the disabled, widowed, poor, mentally ill, and everything in-between by the Knights of Columbus and student groups. The Catholic Church was a constant presence at every Supreme Court or abortion facility vigil, fundraiser, or rally I attended. Ages 0 to 101 were involved in these ministries. Few times have I walked into any type of church where this is the consistent case. Never have I been exposed to a denomination of Christianity where this is true in any city I visit. As someone who is motivated by swift justice and serving needs, this was a huge incentive for me to get down to the bottom of what made Catholicism “tick.”

3. View of Suffering

This is so important to me because I did suffer so much in the year of my transition to Catholicism. I came to bitter ends with great relationships I had with people I love very much. My entire career path changed as I was deeply wounded by people I once looked up to for guidance. My boyfriend moved across the country and became my fiancé as we both experienced financial strain. Close friends of mine struggled with death and illness in their families. I struggled through the hardest class of my life as I came upon graduation and had a few short months to decide what to do about my future. My living situations (I moved three times) were not comfortable or healthy. My friends and family were largely very upset about me becoming Catholic, and I was met with a steady stream of harassment about my beliefs. In the grand scheme of things, these were short term troubles and though a lot to handle at once, were not dire situations. But in my worst states, I felt I had nothing. My heroes, my career, my faith, my relationship, my friends, my grades, my finances, my home, my family’s approval…it all felt like it may amount to nothing after very intentional living. I felt I was just trying to make good grades, obey my parents, be a friend in difficult times, listen to the Holy Spirit in my faith journey, be healthy, and make good life choices and coming out with nothing to show for it but heartbreak and closed doors. Of course, by the time 2017 rolled around, my whole world changed and I gained back all the things I had been suffering over and more. The lesson I learned was that I had been viewing suffering the wrong way. I had learned over my years as a Christian that suffering came as a result of my own failure to please God and that I deserved the suffering that came my way. I felt so out of gas because I was working on the assumption that I could do or say something to end the hurting. But I couldn’t. The Church has taught me that suffering comes to even those who live in the Spirit, even sometimes because they do. I learned that I could take my suffering and use it to become more like Jesus. In my mind, a shift was made. Suffering wasn’t always punishment. It often is an opportunity. Prosperity preaching will have you believe the lie that you can speak desires into existence, “claiming” control in the name of God. It says that the good become rich and the poor in spirit remain in poor situations. AKA: You had it coming. This is not the Biblical view of suffering, and it’s not mine either.

4. A Journey of Salvation

In the worldview of Catholicism, salvation is not a destination. It is a lifelong journey. The steps towards salvation are still the same as my non-denominational Sunday school ABC’s: Accept, Believe, Choose. Or as my favorite protestant leader, Judah Smith, says, “Belong, Believe, Behave.” You were already designed to be with Christ by birth, accepting Him and His role in your life is a first cognizant step, believing in His teachings comes next, and behavior following full knowledge of a Christ-like lifestyle leads to the refining of one for Heaven. Salvation isn’t a one-time occurrence. It’s a lifelong trek that’s both personal and in cohesion with fellow believers. And no, deeds don’t get you a “heaven guarantee,” but a life on track with Christ does necessarily produce good works.

5. Emphasis on Prayer Relationship

I’ve heard it more times than I can count. “Catholicism doesn’t leave room for a personal relationship.” I truly cannot think of anything more personal and individualistic than prayer. Something fantastic about my road to Catholicism has been all the types of prayer I became exposed to in the last year. Of course, there are more types and methods for prayer to list and describe than anyone reading this probably has time for, but I’ll hit some of my favorites. Repetitive, memorized prayer through the rosary, Our Father, or other remembered prayers has done so much in my life. I used to wonder how anyone could actually connect with reciting words. However, reflecting on the life of Jesus during a rosary or focusing on an Our Father word by word has brought me to tears. I’ve needed the words of the Lord’s prayer in bite sized chunks, and I’ve needed to slow down and sip in the mysteries of Christ’s life over and over until I feel peace. Novenas, 9 days of prayer with special intention, have been very important for specific petitions I have about life choices or the healing of others. Spending dedicated time every day at the same time of the day for a specific reason clears my mind and helps me find the voice and power of Jesus. Prayer with candle is good for my learning style. I can light a candle, lifting up a prayer with the flame, and spending time in front of the flickering light spilling out my intentions. Adoration, oh, adoration. I can walk into church during or after work and just speak with Jesus on my knees. I can see him at the altar and tell him everything on my heart. The physical interaction with prayer with beads, candles, images, etc. draw me into a 360 degree focus. You certainly don’t need anything to pray and can access prayer any moment you wish—I often pray on my morning commute for protection and the stresses of the day. These different avenues certainly make for a rich, healthy prayer life.

6. Accountability

This was a hard one for me: confession. I waited until the week of confirmation for my first confession. I dreaded a person being out there walking around with the knowledge of all my sins. I much preferred confessing my sins on paper or in my head in the dark comfort of my bed. Reflecting on one’s sins in private is certainly an essential component of a walk. However, the confession of sins to a priest, sitting in for Christ as the apostles did, is truly liberating. When darkness in your mind is freed from pen and paper to words out loud, they become hard to ignore. All of the sudden, when I know I will need to examine my conscience and say out loud what it is I’m doing or failing to do with words, actions, and thoughts…it gets real. I truly have less desire to sin. This isn’t to say I am now sinless, but I am more aware when I do fall short. I can’t wiggle my brain out of acknowledging what I’ve done. In Catholicism, it’s very serious and a sin in itself to hold onto sin without confessing and continue to receive communion. Because I want communion so badly, I really end up thinking of the cost of sin much more severely. It literally separates me from Christ. And just like that, age old habits of mine seem just not as important. All it took was a better system of accountability.

 

7. Consistency of Core Beliefs

As someone often involved in policy and politics, this is so important to me. Consistency, brought together by the Catechism, lays a foundation for every believer to have a consistent worldview. The Church respects Life, Marriage, Earth, Humans, Human Rights, and the Common Good of mankind among other things. This seems simple, but apparently it isn’t. Spend two seconds on Facebook or the news. Many denominations have found ways to tip-toe around hard stances to take in evolving culture, but the Catholic church puts it all out there. And it’s not optional. Point blank, if you’re Catholic and advocate for policies that don’t honor the sanctity of life, marriage, human rights, and the like, you’re just wrong. The Vatican won’t and can’t wake up one day and redefine Life away from conception to natural death, for instance. Now, Catholics may widely vary in their beliefs of the best method to achieve these ends, but these basic tenants are non-negotiable. If you would like to share an anecdote about a Catholic person or politician you know who advocates or believes this or that, they’re just wrong. All we can do is pray they return to the teachings of the Church. The Church doesn’t stray from core beliefs because God doesn’t change Truth. I love waking up and going to sleep each day knowing what my church believes and knows to be true.

8. Acknowledgement and Acceptance of the Unknown

I never heard the word “mystery” come up so much until I started attending mass. There is the mystery of faith, the Paschal mystery, the mysteries of the rosary— the Glorious Mysteries, the Sorrowful Mysteries, the Luminous mysteries, and the Joyful mysteries. These mysteries aren’t an unintellectual way of shrugging off the history and facts surrounding our faith. They are an acknowledgment that we often do not know how miracles and wonders actually come to be but through God. I appreciate this openness and acknowledgement of the unknown because it doesn’t try to concretely define things we cannot truly know in this lifetime. We are not final determinants of where people go when they die, we do not fully grasp the many mysteries of the world, and that’s okay. One instance in which this is particularly important is when loved ones pass away. I had a great grandma that passed away when I was young. I distinctly remember it being said with good intentions that it was too bad she wasn’t in heaven because of the state of her faith. How absurd to be a young girl and hear how your great grandma is definitely in hell! In reality, we can pray for her soul and do what we can to help people reconcile with their faith on earth, but it isn’t going to be known in this lifetime what exactly happens after their final moments pass. Catholicism leaves room for possibilities after death that I’m not sure many denominations do. We can project and interject all we want—we don’t really know the state of anyone’s soul or the judgement passed upon them. We just trust that it’s righteous and in line with a Perfect Plan.  We must do due diligence to understand and grasp as much as we can at all times, but we must not feel overwhelmed with the burden of having all the answers. I quite enjoy a good mystery myself.

9. The Priesthood

This was the hardest thing for me. It was my last hang-up and objection to the Church. Growing up Protestant, I really couldn’t understand how there were people without families leading churches. Every church I have ever belonged to had a pastor with at least two kids, usually four or more. How could they really lead families without one themselves? How do they last their whole lives without wives? And what about the history of abuse? Wasn’t that a result of chastity? Do I really “need a man to get to God?”  These are huge, valid concerns. I’ll explain unconventionally by starting at the moment I changed my heart about the priesthood. My good friend (and later, my sponsor) famously bombards people in religious life until they will either take a photo, bless us, or join us somewhere. This particular time, she won us some seminarians to join us for lunch by Catholic University in DC. It was a great time for me to ask questions and actually meet seminarians. But what actually struck me was a comment made: “What I love is that the Church is a priest’s flock. They don’t have two flocks and can focus on the one.” It seems simple, but it really soaked in for me. All week it rang in my mind. And I thought back to all the pastors I had in my lifetime. Many of them had hurt me, made me feel abandoned, failed to answer my questions, etc. not because they were jerks but because they had families of their own to tend to. Now, I have a father wherever I go. I feel at home so many places. It’s literally a priest’s full time job to make time for me. In RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults), one priest told us that he’s often the only one available to midnight calls to sick or dying people. Sometimes non-Catholics even call on priests because they will come at a moment’s notice. I could write a whole separate page answering how I came to answers on all my concerns over the priesthood, but the realization of the fathers I have was definitely my most important discovery.

10. Categorical Views of Sins and Sacraments

I already held certain things like marriage and baptism to be very sacred, but I didn’t have the concept of the sacraments before my Catholic expedition. Viewing Sacraments as more than an event or stage of life has increased my reverence for these sacred actions. When marriage, penance, baptism, confirmation, communion, anointing of the sick, and the priesthood are brought into the picture, the conversation changes. These are Sacraments, not just important moments. They bring us in union with Christ. Therefore, the religious law and outlook on these Sacraments are treated so. Sins are categorized as either venial or mortal/grave. This was confusing to me at first, but has come to be so useful in understanding my weaknesses. Because grave sin involves the full knowledge and intention of sin, I know when I’ve committed it. An examination of conscience helps me identify what venial sins creep up in my day to day life and build up bad habits. At first, all these categories seemed baffling and unnecessary. Now, they guide me through the joys and sorrows of life and help me appropriately respond to each instead of eyeballing my way through the highs and lows.

 

11. Symbolism

As someone who loves symbolism in film, art, and literature, I find symbolism in general speaks to me. Step into a Catholic church, find the entire Bible in items. From the shape of the sanctuary, to the placements of three throughout the church, to the windows, statues, signs, liturgy, and lower case t traditions, Genesis to Revelation can be found. Meaning is in every crevice of the sanctuary.

12. Reverence for Communion

I recall myself, just two years ago, telling my good Catholic friend that I liked the informality of communion at my church. I liked that I could have a meal like Jesus did anywhere at any time, even with three people in the woods (technically still true). However, I explained that my view of communion was symbolic and an imitation of what Jesus shared with the Disciples. Now that I have an understanding of Jesus being The Eucharist, my approach to communion is so different. The first time I attended a mass, my heart longed for it. I became so suddenly aware of its significance in a way I never had before. It would be more than a year later that I had my First Communion. Every Sunday, and every adoration, I stared at the host preparing my heart for this Meal. Now, I understand the veil, celebration of mass, and receiving on the tongue. I think about how I long for it every day. I think a lot harder before I escape to sin because I don’t want to forfeit that connection.

13. Potent Homilies

The more I attended mass, the more the sermon taking the whole church time got under my skin. “Church shopping” becomes necessary because one needs to find a church with a pastor who gives sermons they connect with most. Messages are spiced up with humor, cool effects, and long anecdotes. With a homily at a Catholic church, it must be brief and form a quick connection with the day’s scripture readings. Because of this, the message is potent. The priest must get right to the point, sometimes with controversial statements of truth in line with the Church. Priests tend to be highly intelligent and often put this to use with references that are equally understandable and stimulating. I recall an especially great homily I heard before RCIA that employed Natural Law at length. Homilies, more often than not, cause me to desire to learn more—not wandering my mind to the point of the message. There’s less room for showboating or entertainment via the altar.

14. Scripture Focus

Much to the surprise of a Protestant, mass is scripture enriched! Not only are there two readings and a Gospel read in every service, but scripture influences every motion, image, and action. Uncovering the layers of origin of scripture at a mass is so deep that some might even say it’s like an onion—or a parfait. Everybody loves parfaits. If you move past my Shrek jokes…you’ll see the significance of the placement of hands, movements of the head, and position of body changes throughout the mass, telling the story of scripture. Just when I think I understand the origin of something, the narrative grows deeper. This truly touches on Catholicism being a lifelong journey.

15. The Lives of Saints

I don’t really know how I made it through life without the example of the saints. I had always looked up to Saint Joan of Arc, but I never really got her significance other than a neat story in history. Now, I learn of the incredible sufferings, sacrifices, and lives of saints, and I grow richer in my own life. These people answered the call of God in their lives. Why didn’t I know about them before? Many saints didn’t start out saintly and have amazing journeys of sanctification. Many died tragically. All help me in different aspects of my life. The saints exemplify virtues that the Church holds in high esteem, such as Justice and Truth. In the past year, I’ve grown so fond of St. Joseph the Worker, who reminds me to be excellent in my work as though for Christ and keep God’s Will in my heart as I choose a professional path. St. Rose of Lima gives me something to strive for in humility. The list goes on. ­­­­The intercession of saints has expanded my family so much, that I always feel surrounded. I can think of a saint for every situation. My family grows with each passing day! What a rich heritage we have in Christ!

16. Use of Talents

Catholicism truly emphasizes the employment of one’s talents. This feeds into the major theme of following one’s vocation. The talents and natural gifts that make you you are designed to fit your vocation. Remember that you were woven in your mother’s womb and created for such a time as this! We are all en route to sainthood when we fully employ our strengths. This is not unique to Catholicism, however, it is surely emphasized to a greater extent. In fact, not using your talents, as I’ve learned in my Magnificat (devotion), can lead to sin. This often ties in to failing to take interest in the world, its current events and disasters—which also falls into a stronger compulsion to care for the least of these. Failing to offer aid to the ailing world around you through your natural abilities can lead to some disastrous effects. I’ve never viewed my talents as much of a responsibility and compliment to God as I do now.

17. Being Home Anywhere

Today was a good example of this. Long story short, I accidently ended up at a Spanish mass today. But I wasn’t lost during service! No, I’m not fluent in Spanish. The order of the mass is universal, so with only a few minor differences, I can follow along wherever I am—even in another language! I love talking to my friends across the country and them commenting on that day’s First Reading. We read the same thing. The whole world meditates on the same scripture, and a homily is derived from the day’s passage by every priest. When I travel, I always have a familiar place to land. There’s no awkwardness in the perhaps dozen churches I’ve visited because we are strangers united by a common celebration of mass. I guess that’s why they call it “coming home.”

 

Pro-Tip: I didn’t write this at the first move in a long winded debate. I am confident that my blog post will not solve the age-old divide between Catholicism and Protestantism or the rest of the world. I am answering a question I get on a weekly or daily basis—Why Catholicism? Why now?

Do The Job Nobody Else Wants To Do

So, you’re at a new internship or entry-level job. You may be wondering how you can quickly set yourself apart for more responsibility and autonomy. With little experience and perhaps the least amount of years on earth in your office, you’re up against a lot. Doing odd, messy, or tedious jobs help you get noticed more than you might initially think.

I’ve had three internships in the DC area. DC is basically 1/3 political agents, 1/3 everyday employees, and 1/3 interns. It’s pretty easy to blend in and never stand out. If you just do what you’re told and show up to work, you’ll do fine. You will blur into the history of interns or entry-level employee past, though. Here are a few ways to distinguish yourself:

1. If You See A Mess, Clean It Up

It may be someone else’s job to clean up the kitchen, common area, or copy room. However, almost everyone is probably busier than you or working on harder deadlines than you when you’re new. Especially as an intern, you’ll have some downtime between jobs. Instead of counting the ceiling tiles, go check out if there’s anything can be tidied up. Odds are, they want a certain closet, shelf, or fridge cleaned out, but it hasn’t been a priority. Of course, make sure you’re allowed to touch the things you’re cleaning up or a good intention might lead to a stern talking-to. If you’re not sure, ask your supervisor. A safe option is usually wiping out the common fridge or counter space. I once took on the task of throwing out all expired common foods—it was easy and much needed.

2. Experiment With Processes

When you’re given a task, especially a tedious one, try switching it up to find easier, more effective ways to get it done. If you’re given something like entering data, as interns often do, it can be pretty boring. Try learning more about the platform you’re using while you’re at it. This could open up more opportunities to diversify your task and improve the timing. For instance, I have had research projects where I’m looking up hundreds of contacts, bios, or phone numbers. Fooling around with typing a chunk out then making phone calls, opening multiple windows and typing, searching by categories, list making, or starting a pattern have helped me trial-and-error develop systems for tedious jobs.

3. Imagine The Bigger Picture

All employees perform better when they have an idea of how they fit into the bigger picture of the company. Sometimes this is hard to envision when you have a task that seems menial. Spend some time figuring out how your assignment contributes to the overall mission or goals of the company. For instance, calling a list of media sources or donors, or shredding trash documents might be the last thing you want to do, but you can usually draw it back to the “why” of the entire organization. If you can’t, ask your supervisor in a polite way how he or she thinks your task helps their job or the goals of the operation. Perhaps, if your task truly isn’t useful, you and your supervisor will trim or cut the task to make it more relevant. Requesting tasks that help you grow in a specific area can also lead to assignments that grow you and your organization. Most supervisors truly want to see you benefit from the experience. Knowing how you contribute to the team will keep your attitude up and set you apart. There have been times my “small job” led to big media hits or donations. Other times, my supervisor has cut a task down to low-priority.

4. Don’t Wait for An Assignment

When there is a chance to offer yourself for a task, do it. Often, an email will go out to all staff for and event or job that needs a few hands. Volunteer yourself. This may mean staying after hours, coming in on a weekend, or forgoing some plans. Not only will you be helping out the staff, you will probably also learn something you wouldn’t in your normal role. Also, take initiative when you’re between tasks by asking your supervisors and co-workers if they could use some help on a project. Going beyond your duties will put you on the map for your team. I’ve met some of the most interesting people bar tending or coat-checking at events I wasn’t assigned to cover.

5. Don’t Discount Your Skill

You might get used to hearing that you have little to offer the workforce. That’s not true—all of your skills can be showcased. One that is easy to implement is social capital. Whether mobilizing volunteers, reaching out to media contacts, or connecting a personal contact with a product, you can contribute in a meaningful way. There have been times I thought I was just a lowly intern, then realized I had a real connection to reporters and fellow interns around the country. These connections have led to real results. If I discounted these real-life relationships, or other skills, I might not have had an opportunity to become an asset to my company. Take caution to not assume you’re higher profile than you are, but also realize how much you could contribute with your unique network and skill set. Implementing your strengths in your work is more than most bother to discover.

Pro tip: Don’t end up becoming less efficient by doing non-essential tasks. Best results come from proper prioritization and well-handled free-time. Sweeping is only helpful if you’re not using it to avoid actual work.

Rap is a Tool for Freedom

Tags

entrepreneurship, liberty, rap

Rap and Hip-Hop have enhanced the lives of millions across the globe. They have certainly enhanced mine. While there several solid reasons to complain about rap, I’m focusing today on how rap frees all of us in our everyday lives. How? As the pre-rap poetry goes, “Let me count the ways;”

1. It Was Made To Make Us Move

Dating back to the history and origins of rap and hip-hop, the most basic forms were used for rhythmic dance rituals, celebrations, and all forms of expression. What sets it apart is its usual fast, consistent tempos or soulful storytelling. Fast-forward to today, and the roots are still there. I’m a fan of all rap and hip-hop types. Whether underground poetry or auto-tuned Top 50 Hits, old school throwbacks or present-day playlists, these genres force me to move! This changes my bad day, bad thoughts, or bad ideas into blissful motion. For me, it doesn’t matter if the lyrics are deep or not. I am moving, and my mind is nowhere else but here. I don’t even worry how I am viewed in these moments. This is everyday personal freedom for millions.

 2. It Helps Us Understand Each other More Deeply

More often than not, rap makes me laugh. Lyrics comes out cleverer than my brain can catch up to in real time. They play on words, rhymes, and patterns. Listening is a brain game. Sometimes the mental images are so hilarious (or so foul) that I have to pause the music to digest. Either way, I always know exactly what they mean. The use of literary devices allows for unmatched verbal precision. It tells a story or even a joke like nothing else can. It gives us understanding—a free exchange of stories and ideas. We all know this leads to more freedom.

3. It Shapes Language

I don’t study language, but I wouldn’t be surprised if rap meeting the internet has made for the fastest evolving creation and spreading of new language in history. Slang is adopted overnight from the minds of artists to the everyday use of young people. A rapper forms a string of letters or words that tickles us, and before you can meme it, it’s history. We now control our language in a more direct way than ever. People sometimes joke about the legitimacy of these words and phrases, but there’s no fighting spontaneous order. The words already have meaning before you can use yours to fight it. The fact that the haters don’t relate to the meaning doesn’t make it less legitimate.

4. It Spreads the Word on Free Market Solutions

This is probably my favorite thing about rap and hip-hop. Young and minority communities have found a special place in their hearts for freer markets because of lyrics. Your everyday young person isn’t concerned with economic models and policy research. They like what they like and they don’t like what they like taken from them. Rappers were early adopters of Uber and Bitcoin. These solutions to state-led problems have stirred up controversy around the world. It doesn’t faze lovers of rap for one minute. It’s already been deemed “cool” by the rap and hip-hop community, and it’s already proven to work. Just take a look at 14 famous lyrics about Uber from the year 2014. Furthermore, access to Uber driving has given immigrant and minority communities who cherish rap music greater avenues to income without excessive occupational licensing—a big barrier to work in low-income areas. Bitcoin also wasn’t on the map for most listeners until its lyrical mentions. Check out how this hip-hop contest offered Bitcoin to winners. These means of reaching minds are unfathomably more effective than policy argument. Self-interest and culture are at work.

5. It Brings Change

Culture follows rap and hip-hop culture in the world of memes, references, and art. As long as rap has been on the radio, it has been the fastest and most accurate way to find out what is on teenage and young adult minds. Issues of criminal justice reform, federal government expansion, and welfare state issues have all come to light through rap. Emotions and thoughts are recorded and spread through communities as issues evolve year by year. These songs have even motivated individuals to take action and innovate. Its popularity has even made it impossible to ignore black creators. Testimonies through art are far more powerful than ones on congressional podiums.

6. It’s Productive Entrepreneurship

The majority of rappers and hip-hop artists didn’t grow up in wealth. In fact, much of their music reflects the poor conditions they did grow up experiencing. There’s also a reason artists work with crews comprised of many childhood friends. What gets one ahead in the projects and streets is destructive entrepreneurship. Organized crime, as terrible as it may be, is highly entrepreneurial. It’s not productive, as Baumol would say, but it’s still creatively capturing a market. Art development is an innovative, legal means of inventing, and has the potential to make us all richer. Most even go on to start brands and non-profits that each create hundreds of jobs—often for suffering communities. Entrepreneurship breaks all the chains.

There are certainly flip-sides to these coins that include degrading women, body image issues, glorification of drugs and crime, materialism, and causality of sex. I won’t dispute that. Maybe that should change. In a way, these plights being included gives insight into the authentic state of culture. It’s not pretty. It’s messy, but it’s true. Understand rap, understand the world around you.

 

Pro Tip: Check out some female rappers to hear some empowerment-in-action. Boss ladies are doing and not checking with the press first.

Seriously, Eat Something New

Tags

food, personal tips, Professionalism, relationships

Food is a huge, essential part of everyone’s lives. Beyond its nutritional value, it brings conversation, culture, imagination, and joy into our lives. A world without access to a variety of food is not only filled with death, it suffers culturally as well. If you refuse to try new foods, you’ll suffer in areas way beyond your taste buds.

Almost everyone has experienced this in some capacity. Either you, someone you hosted, or someone you have traveled with has had such a narrow scope of what they’ll consider eating, that it becomes an issue. I’ve traveled with people who only eat “American” foods, won’t eat any Asian foods, won’t try new vegetables, won’t eat “woman food”, or only like a fine-tuned list of items. Denying new foods signals to others that you’re closed off to much more than a menu. Here are three reasons to try a new food to improve your life:

1. You Will Have Better Etiquette

Unless it’s a religious reason, real allergy, or serious belief system like vegetarianism, it’s really rude to deny what someone has prepared for you or spent money giving you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a scenario where a host bought or prepared food, and someone loudly proclaimed, “I don’t eat ____!” They usually then proceed to make life difficult for everyone around them by requesting something different or making everyone take an extra stop. This objecting individual may even insult the culture someone comes from by appearing to say “your country’s food isn’t good!” —whether you mean it or not. Be gracious of what is offered to you even if it’s something you wouldn’t normally order. Your complimentary behavior will go far with your peers and hosts.

2. You Will Have More Quality Experiences

 

By generally being more open to new experiences, including food intake, you will receive more opportunities. If you’re known as a picky eater, you’re less likely to be invited to exciting events or socials. If you make things difficult for your group, they’ll make note to not invite you next time to save money or time. Going to new venues and learning about different cultures through meals is a very quality way to expand all your horizons. If you travel to another country to take in all their art, architecture, and history, it would be a disservice to yourself to not understand them through their food as well. It will also be a huge pain to everyone to constantly be on the hunt for burgers and hot dogs.

 3. You Will Bond Over Your New Meal   

Almost nothing draws people closer together more than trying a new food together. You take a small risk by “going for it” at the same time and discussing your reviews. This is an opportunity to see their genuine reactions, expressions, and personality. (Try to not be dramatic if you don’t like it) If you both try it and it’s really bad, you’ll have a laugh to share. If you both love it, you have a new shared favorite. It may even bring up new information one of you has on the background of a state, country, or dish. When a colleague or friend inquires if you will try something new with them and you accept, you flatter them by valuing their thoughts. It’s unlikely that they will forget you.

Pro Tip: If there’s a food you ate as a child that you had a bad experience with, try it again as an adult. There may be an emotional reason you didn’t like it that has nothing to do with the flavor. Maybe the place you’re going to makes it differently. Try it again.

The bottom line is this. If you try a new food, the worst thing that can happen is you not enjoying it. The best thing that can happen is exposure to new cultures, people, and ideas. You won’t be sorry.

Stop Being Afraid of Phonecalls

Tags

millennials, Professionalism, relationships

There’s a trend in the 20-somethings world of us having a fear of phone calls. Seriously, stop.

I remember being a kid—when the scariest things in the world were the flush sound, ordering food, getting left in the checkout line, and calling an adult. Now we are adults. The scariest things in life should be crippling debt and foreign affairs.

It makes for a good meme, but let’s move past this. It’s almost considered bad etiquette in the modern arena to call instead of text. Often times, when something is too difficult to text out and I call a friend, they reject my call and text me asking why I’m calling. And that’s with friends. I often wonder how young people go about making appointments and work calls.

It is a bit intense to call people you don’t know, and sometimes it may feel like it takes a lot of energy to talk instead of type. However, odds are, if someone is calling you, it’s because they prefer to not write you a novel-length text or email. When you enter the work world, become a parent, or have to pay bills, you’ll eventually need to get comfortable making phone calls. Sometimes I call people for work or volunteer jobs, and the receiver gets mad at me for calling or hangs up on me because they think I’m a telemarketer. It can be a bit intimidating to do these kind of calls, but if you can’t even talk on the phone with acquaintances, store managers, or doctor’s offices, these kinds of work tasks will leave you in a sweat.

The rise of instant messaging technologies is the most prominent reason for this trending fear of telephone, but we must adapt as a generation. I’ve already seen this manifest in people my age who are nervous to talk to older adults, parents, and waiters because they don’t often speak to people they don’t know. This is problematic for obvious reasons, one of the most relevant being if you can’t get certain information, advice, or opinions online, human to human over phone or conversation is an amazing resource. In fact, you will not excel in your career if you don’t take ownership of this basic skill.

To get over your fear, try making some calls you maybe don’t need to make. If you can schedule an appointment for the dentist online but have the option to call, try it to get used to the feeling. The next time you wonder something about a business or opportunity, instead of texting a friend who will call for you, call yourself. Order some delivery food over the phone and ask questions about the food.  Once you try it a few times, you’ll realize how capable you are.

Don’t Ask Who Will Be There

Tags

personal tips, Professionalism, relationships

 

It might strike you as odd that this is an etiquette issue. But it is.

When you’re invited to an event, get-together, or party, do not ask “who is going to be there?”

You might think this is a valid question to ask if you want to know how to dress accordingly or be prepared with gifts or professional materials. If those are your reasons for asking, just ask a more direct question like “Will Chris be there? I have something for him.” or “What’s the dress code?” If you’re unsure of what to bring according to the guest list, ask a close friend “Should I bring wine or beer?” If it’s a question of whether to bring business cards or not, just bring them. In fact, always bring them anyways. Honestly, there’s no good reason to ask who will be there. Regardless of intention, this is what you really signal when you’re asking that question:

1. I’ll only come if your “thing” is cool enough for me

If your friend invites you to something and you say this in text, person, or phone, you come off as really pretentious. They’re extending an invitation to you and instead of just telling them you have plans or reasons to not attend, you tell them you’ll only come if the conditions are right for you socially. Odds are by the time you’ve finished with this question, they don’t want you to come anymore or you’ve hurt their feelings—especially if it took courage on their end to invite you. If you know this person’s crowd isn’t your crowd for any reason, just tell them you can’t attend for whatever reason. Don’t lie—actually make plans or just be honest and tell them you’re staying in that night. A safe answer is “I have some tentative plans already, but I’ll let you know if I end up being able to swing by.” If it’s an RSVP event, tell them you have tentative plans, so you wouldn’t be able to RSVP in good conscience. If you lie and tell them you’re staying in that night then go out and post all over social media, that sends a bad signal. If you tell them you’re too busy then post about being bored (don’t do that anyways, being bored is embarrassing) that’s a bad signal too. If you intended on staying in and ended up going somewhere and they find out, that’s fine—something came up. Just don’t lie.

2. I’ll only come if it’s my crowd

You sound like you’re scoping if this person’s judgment of people is poor. Maybe it is. I have a good bit of people in my life whom I love dearly that have poor friend choice in my opinion. Like I said before, find a legitimate reason to decline the offer. Depending on how blunt your personality is and how close you are to the friend, maybe straight up tell them it’s not your crowd in a tasteful way. Try “Sorry, clubbing/running/dancing isn’t really my thing, but let’s get drinks/lunch this week,” “I can’t really be around marijuana because of my job, but I appreciate the invite”, or “Honestly, I don’t really feel up to being around drunk people/a public scene/a party scene” If it’s not a close friend or not you’re not the blunt type, chalk it up to the fact that you’ve had a busy week and need to relax. Like I said before, be honest. Make other plans or stay in for the night/day. If you ask the question, you sound like you’re too good for the scenario instead of scoping out whether it’s a good choice for you personally. One is respectable, the other is not.

3. You don’t mean that much to me

At the end of the day, you make people feel like you’re not worth your time if it means one ounce of uncomfortableness for them. I know I said to offer a reason it’s not your thing, but eventually you should honestly get over that. Bar hop or go to a club even if it’s not your normal thing. Try something new for the sake of your friend. Go to the party or event they worked hard to put together even if it means you won’t know people there or someone you don’t like will be there. I know the feeling of wanting to ask if someone you don’t like will be there. You don’t want it to ruin your night. However, you can’t run from said unlikable mutual “friend” forever and keep ousting your good friend. Show up and do your best socially. Even if you don’t stay the whole time, make an effort. Stay longer than 30 minutes to not seem like you used the event to scope out “worthiness.” Be more genuine in general.

 

Pro Tip: Do not ask about “tail” or dateable people that will be at the event—especially if the friend is of opposite sex than you. Let them introduce you to someone and then ask about that person. Nothing says “I’m using you and your friends” like treating your friend’s party as a real-life Tinder opportunity.

 

Ultimately, when you ask “who will be there,” the answer “me—the person who invited you” should be enough.

The Art of the Thank-You

Tags

professional tips, Professionalism, thank you

Somewhere along the way of time and progress in the world, we have nearly lost the art of personal, hand-written thank-you notes. Airing on the side of not sounding like your grandma, I’m open to the idea that a new innovation will come around and offer a more personal touch than the homemade “thank you.” However, to date, I believe nothing has surpassed the excitement and flattery of picturing someone close or distant sitting at a desk, pondering what words he or she would like to produce for you with their own hands on a blank note card. The words are put in an order for you alone and shipped to the home where you live. It makes you remember the sender longer and more fondly than you might otherwise. And while we all fancy receiving a letter ourselves, it’s much harder to put out the effort to write one to someone else.

Here’s why it’s important to get in the habit:

1. You Will Convey Your Genuine Thankfulness

Often, when we are thankful for someone’s time, gift, or help, it’s difficult to convey it in a meaningful way. It’s never wrong to thank someone face-to-face or on a call. However, the hand-delivered or mailed card is perfect if you struggle to sound genuine or want to add another personal touch to your in-person “thanks.” They will understand the steps you took out of your way to convey your sincerity.

2. People Will Remember You

People have careers, hobbies, families and lives of their own. There is a lot on their minds. Sometimes they might forget you, especially if you only shared a brief experience. They are less likely to forget you if you touched them with a personal note. If they’re close to you and aren’t likely to forget you, you’ll still become closer and more on the forefront of their mind because of it.

3. You Will Get Better With Words

For some, words don’t come naturally. Thank-yous are a great way to get comfortable expressing yourself with less pressure. It’s usually pretty short in length, so it’s do-able to write a few lines—even for the less expressive types. Over time, it will come to you more naturally. Who knows? This may even bleed through into improved expression through speech.

4. You Will Grow Your Social Capital in a Meaningful Way

When someone has helped you out with advice or an introduction and you have thanked them, they will remember you. This matters because when you have a question about their field or need to reach someone for a referral or expertise, you’re more likely to be able to call on them again. Be sure to not manipulate or abuse your good standing with someone by seeing humans as opportunities. They’re individuals with something to them other than what they have to offer you. Sometimes, that will be your only interaction, and that’s okay. But, if you’re building your network and need to keep contact for future help, it helps if they remember you and remember you fondly.

Here are some ways to get in the habit:

1. Keep Yourself Stocked

Buy thank you cards in bulk at stores like Home Goods, Tuesday Morning, Michaels, or other craft stores. Boutiques and higher end stores tend to have packs of ten or less for a high price. This isn’t good for keeping a stock. It may be worth it, especially after big events in your life, to order personalized batches of 100+. This saves trips to stores but can be an expensive initial cost. Keep a variety to not bore yourself or risk giving the same design to one person over and over. I, as a female, like to buy simple masculine cards, fun girly cards, and unisex professional cards so I always have something to choose from depending on the situation. (Plus, guys tend to not want a flowery card)

2. Keep a Log

It’s easy to mean to send someone a card and forget. It’s especially easy to forget if you have a lot of people to thank after a move or accomplishment. Fix this by keeping a running list of who you owe a thank you wherever you write or type your task lists.

 

3. Set Aside Time

It’s also easy to put off because there’s no real deadline—so give yourself one. Sit down between tasks and knock a chunk of them out while you’re on a roll. If you don’t do them the week of or even the month of, they will add up and it will become a bigger task than it needs to be. If you let too much time pass before you send a note to a brief acquaintance, they might not remember you.

Challenge: Write thank-yous to co-workers and acquaintances you don’t particularly agree with often. Focus on things you do like about them and be genuine with your words. It will help you treat them better and view them better in real life.